COVID Testament

From a Manuscript at The MET Cloisters, NYC

It’s really not been that bad, because I am vaccinated- but could have been even better vaccinated if the government had not withheld protection. My Mom is not sick, which is a blessed thing- she was allowed boosters. I went and asked for one before the trip, was told no, but took the risk of traveling to New York City any way. My choice, my responsibility. What will haunt me now? Long term COVID, the possibility of other health complications due to COVID, and being a potential spreader. I’ve been masking since the start of this pandemic, and did all through New York, except when eating. Most others around my Mother and I did not. That’s how it spreads. Current theory on infection point was an unmasked luncheon with friends who did not mask at all. They found out the next day, after our luncheon, of positivity. We tested as soon as they confirmed with us of positivity and came up negative. I flew home to Seattle, spent a couple of days working the farm and catching up on things after a week away, and then came down with a fever the third evening back, and knew what had happened. Sure enough- the COVID test came back positive, and I spent a full day sleeping, followed by what it now my third day of symptoms, though far less aggressive than the first 24 hrs.

Though not religious, I can deeply relate to facing unknown (seemingly “evil”) circumstances, and looking to positive thinking as a way of transcending fear. In the picture above of imagined apocalyptic future, there are terrible monsters prowling the countryside, terrorizing the people. I think of human induced destruction of today, including ecological collapse, and the military industrial complex- we are, and have always been, the monsters attacking ourselves. Until each person can face their demons and exercise responsibility in the face of personal action- like not wearing masks, we will continue the slow slip into oblivion. Calling our misery a product of pure evil is an easy way to pass on our choices to fate. It encourages fear towards a perceived threat, where other’s actions will take something from you, rather than offering a hand in support. Christianity as I know it, having been raised in The Episcopal faith, and having an ordained Mother in that church, means love thy neighbor- every neighbor, and since we are a global community, we must all be neighbors and love one another. So, as reflected on in my recent bee hive collapse, what happens when the resources thin?

People want to be generous, but people can also be ruthless. We’re the only lifeforms that seem to juggle responsibility, ethics, and conscious- creative representation. That tree marker above was set with good intentions, with the understanding of humanity as a whole, in stewardship with the land, it’s precious resources, and the generations to come who would respect and protect them. Instead, “explorers” exploiters, recklessly wandered about robbing resources for greed, and it continues today as the legacy of Neo-liberal capitalism, as though money is all that matters today. Where once we were in connection with nature, products of it, and crafters within its seemingly limitless bounds, we turned it into a thing to be dominated through cruelty and brutality. Separating ourselves from that living world we killed ourselves, and repeat the process with each new generation. Our species is not regulating with nature, and so, nature is now delivering a universal leveler which we, as mere monkey mammals, cannot win against- virus.

St. Michael Slaying Satan at The Cloisters MET, NYC

Our faith in vaccines assumes we’ll forever adapt medicine to keep our species alive, but at what cost? Right now, I’m already a once infected person who was denied additional protection because I’m young and capable. But what are the longer health issues now activated withing this complex system of my body? I’m certainly still, a month later, experiencing brain fog, exhaustion, shorter temper, and some struggle with sleep- is it COVID? Could it be related- as the stress of sickness, climate catastrophe, inflation, the systematic attempted dismantling of democracy, loss of right to my own body as a woman, and hay prices challenge the very nature of my life? All of the above? Yes. People are very short sighted, and can’t see or won’t see the cliff ahead.

We’ll continue too crap in our water with household chemicals, burn our air into fossil fuel oblivion, and keep vaccinating as new drugs are offered up, until they aren’t. We’ve been watching, passively, on slow-mo thus far, but mother nature is revving up. We’re experiencing exactly what our medieval ancestors feared and knew to be the truth- that death cannot be bought off, it comes for us all at will. With helpful hands we drive, wash, spit, and crap into the wind through modern convenience and corporate greed. Just pop onto prime and order another load of guilt ridden consumerism. Tip back another glass and sing the end with joy. I know I did in New York, and COVID might be the least of my worries.

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